Embracing Your Introverted Nature in an Extroverted World

Solitude is bliss

I have taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment multiple times and always get the same result: I am an ENFJ.

ENFJ stands for Extraverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging. This acronym represents one of the 16 personality types, often described as “The Protagonist” or “The Giver.” This personality type is a charismatic and altruistic leader who is energized by time with others and focused on helping others grow.

I believe this assessment to be accurate about myself, except for one thing.

I don’t consider myself to be an extrovert.

I am probably more of an ambivert. While I am not shy and enjoy performing and public speaking, I prefer spending time in smaller groups, and I get more out of one-on-one conversations. Large parties with tons of superficial chit-chat, and work trainings with breakout sessions that include speedy get-to-know-each-other exercises, where you play games like “Two Truths and a Lie,” stress me out!

See, I would rather be writing in my office with fur babies, Hansel and Gretel cuddling nearby.

Hansel and Gretel

Or lounging in a chair, staring at the sky in the mountains, where the silence is so profound it brings to mind Simon and Garfunkel’s “The Sound of Silence:” But my words, like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence.

View from my property in Indian Canyon

But I digress. In public, at work, or online, I don’t share my thoughts easily. I always feel that everyone else has something more valid to contribute than I do. So, I often keep to myself. I don’t know whether this is due to being raised in a staunch patriarchal culture (the LDS church) or the result of trauma (not ready to go there just yet). I do know it has severely impacted me.

I have written for fifteen years; a songwriter first, which evolved into novel writing. But I always suffered from the crippling belief that nothing I created mattered. I have felt almost nihilistic. What is the point of expressing yourself? Everything has already been said, done, packaged, and sold by people with better education, more prominent connections, charisma, money, and far better connections.

My life expressed through emojis

While everyone shares everything on social media, I feel obligated to sit in the background so that the louder, more assertive people can get their “limelight” fix. I sense that most people need the attention and accolades more than I , so keeping quiet at heat expense to my soul is easier.

Thus, I have languished in silence because I could never demand some attention for myself.

There have got to be other people like me in the world. Those who are creative and have so much to offer but lack the assertiveness to push their way into the center of the room. Is there a place for those with quiet voices?

I want to say my fiction is profound, but it isn’t. My stories are about broken and poor people, hurting people experiencing trials, overcoming trauma, and finding love. My stories feel like me, quiet and unassuming. I take my readers on a journey of discomfort, possibility, passion, and ultimately, joy.

For years, I desperately tried to see my creative endeavors as a calling, that there was a reason I survived, and a reason for my self-expression. Now, I realize it doesn’t matter. I don’t have to be special or the best. I can just be myself and let that be enough.

So, this is the beginning of Tanya Madsen sharing her Paper Tears with the world. It may go somewhere, or I may end up being the only one who reads these posts. I wrote these books for myself, and although I sincerely want to share them, the only opinion that matters at the end of the day is my own.

I want to connect with people like me—those who wish to speak up but don’t know how, who have something to say but find themselves always in the back of the room. If you are out there, let me know. Even if you don’t choose to support me as a writer, let me support you by knowing who you are. Maybe together, we can find the courage to make ourselves heard.

Cheers for now.

Tanya Madsen